I am sometimes easily given to fretting and worry. I value those who can provide me with reassurance. Which is why I am so, so relieved by all the Conservative pundits and supporters who have repeatedly over the past 4 years assured us all that our government is not out to monitor what we're reading or spy on American citizens without warrants.

Well, at least no one has yet stooped to the level of arresting protesters. So our Democracy must still be intact.

Karen Hughes, our illustrious Undersecretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs, is telling opposition leaders in Egypt that "one nation under God" is part of our Constitution:

UNDER SECRETARY HUGHES: I had one person at one lunch raise the issue of the President mentioning God in his speeches. And I asked whether he was aware that previous American presidents have also cited God, and that our Constitution cites "one nation under God." He said "well, never mind" and went on to something else. So he sort of was trying to equate that with the terrorists' (inaudible). So I explained that I didn't really think that was something you could equate. And he sort of dropped it and moved on. He was one of the opposition leaders in Egypt.

Um, actually, no. Really, check for yourself.

Maybe you think I'm being harsh, but I expect someone at that level to get that one right. Yeah, I had to check it myself, but I also don't go around telling people that "under God" is codified in our most important national document. If I were going to, I'd check first just to be sure.

For those who didn't know, I had some minor out-patient surgery this past Friday. As is my tendency, I naïvely thought I would be up and about like my usual self by the next day, if not that evening. Note that there was no arrogance in this, just a complete lack of understanding of what this was going to mean for my system. I am (today) starting to come out of the haze of the (heavy-duty prescription) painkillers, so it seemed like a quick update was in order.

The surgery was wonderfully uneventful. Everything seems to have gone as planned and on the time-table they expected. I was out of the center at the time they told my ride to be there. My friend stopped with me at Safeway to pick up the painkiller prescription (mmm... Darvocet) and a few things I would need for the recovery period. Speaking of which...

Without going into graphic detail, this work was related to my digestive tract. And because of that, I have to maintain high-fiber, high-other-things practices that promote fast and (relatively) smooth transition through the digestive system. In some cases, this is no big deal– high-fiber foods aren't awful, and Metamucil is tolerable. But this also includes drinking some amount of prune juice per day. And that shit is vile.

I've decided that the whole, "Prune juice is a warrior's drink" facet to the character of Lt. Worf was a massive practical-joke on Star Trek geeks. It was a ploy by the writers to see if they could get the same hopeless nerds who go to these conventions in full Klingon regalia to also choke down this vile-but-natural laxative. Personally, I'd love to see a con require that anyone who wants to walk around in Klingon Warrior garb drink a minimum of one "tankard" (or whatever sort of cup they're carrying with them) per day. I mean, if you want to play the part of a warrior, you gotta drink the part, too. And since there's no equivalent to "blood wine" handy... egads, what if the writers were implying that Klingon Blood Wine was similar to prune juice in taste? No wonder those guys were always quick to fight– had to get the fighting out of the way before your bowels exploded. If this is true, my regard for the Star Trek writers has at least doubled.

Anyway, I'm still taking pain meds at 4-5 hour intervals, but now I'm only taking one pill at a time, not two. Last night, I did a little coding while watching some of my TiVo backlog. My illusions of using the time off of work like a free vacation, though, are now being shone in a more realistic light. But I could be a hell of a lot worse off (indeed, there was a small chance that the doctor would have had to do additional work that could have lengthened my recovery time from 4 days to 7). I'm not driving around much, but I'm answering e-mail with reasonable reliability. In other words, I'm doin' OK.

Just too drained to have posted anything over the weekend. Luckily, jwz collected some real gems in his LiveJournal. Take special note of points titled, "Photo Op," "Daley 'shocked' as feds reject aid," and "Teenager 'loots' a rescue bus."

More recently, we have a cold look at Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff's reading habits.

Barbara Bush chimes in with her views on the state and status of the refugees who've found themselves in Houston (emphasis added by me):

A post at Daily Kos summarizes some of the best examples of FEMA's shoddiness:

• FEMA won't accept Amtrak's help in evacuations
• FEMA turns away experienced firefighters
• FEMA turns back Wal-Mart supply trucks
• FEMA prevents Coast Guard from delivering diesel fuel
• FEMA won't let Red Cross deliver food
• FEMA bars morticians from entering New Orleans
• FEMA blocks 500-boat citizen flotilla from delivering aid
• FEMA fails to utilize Navy ship with 600-bed hospital on board
• FEMA to Chicago: Send just one truck
• FEMA turns away generators (See entry from 3:32 P.M. by Ben Morris, Slidell mayor)
• FEMA: "First Responders Urged Not To Respond"

(No, that last one isn't really an Onion headline, it just reads like one.)

Lastly, one thoughtful suggestion on how Bush could personally help out: President Bush: Sell the Ranch.

Remember, disaster elsewhere is great for real estate prices

(A little light non-Katrina content for a break...)

As it happens, there are more than a couple of those statements I can't really argue with...

One great improvement over yesterday, we're no longer brushing off the offers of foreign aid. And Condi cut short her shopping trip in NYC. Cheney, it seems, is still on vacation).

Article in the Washington Monthly detailing the chronology of how the current administration has systematically gutted FEMA and buried our ability to respond: January 2001: Bush appoints Joe Allbaugh, a crony from Texas, as head of FEMA. Allbaugh has no previous experience in disaster management.

As with prior hurricanes in Florida, and earthquakes in California, it seems clear to some people who is to blame:

The FEMA director and the Dept. of Homeland Security Director seem to have impressions of the situation that have no backing in actual reality. Their opinions and talking points are handily routed by the reports of people actually on the ground there.

In fact, it seems that, according to Brown (FEMA director, a man who's previous job must have been some stellar credentials, except for the whole getting fired part), "the federal government did not even know about the Convention Center people until today." The "today" in that statement was Thursday, September 1. Oddly-enough, the rest of the country seemed to know about those people while Bush was still on vacation.

And speaking of which, no look at a colossal disaster is complete without dropping in on the Big Guy. Sometime either before of after the latest staged photo-op, Bush had time to comfort some victims in Biloxi, Miss.:

To the tune of, "America Fuck Yeah!" (accoustic mix)

(Alternate title, "The Politics of Human Suffering")

I'm glad to note after yesterday's post, that military and expanded National Guard presence is now in the area. Helicopters are also all over the place doing what they can. Nut-jobs in the area, though, are screwing things up for everyone by firing upon helicopters and otherwise attacking those trying to help. There are reports of rescue-boats being tipped over, and there is apparently news footage of NOPD officers (in uniform no less) looting stores– not just for food and water, which they're supposed to be getting so that they can help people, but tape of officers carting away new computers and flat-screen TVs. As a co-worker pointed out to me, "this isn't a natural disaster; the disaster here is the lack of preparation and planning."

Some quick notes:

Over at Wonkette.com, they got a message from someone at the EPA, about how (and why) locals have taken to referring to the NOLA flood waters as "Lake George".

Apparently, not enough gub'mint money has made it to "faith-based initiatives", because FEMA is directing donations to Rev. Pat Robertson. Yes, Pat "we should take him out" Robertson. Note that the link this page points to no longer has the charity list on it. From that page, click on "Volunteer or Make a Donation". Also, "Operation Blessing" seems to have moved from the no. 2 spot to no. 3.

It seems that Canada has not only offered aid, but very specialized and highly-relevant aid. It also seems that the Dept. of Homeland Security doesn't want them shifty Canucks crossin' our borders. I hope that one proves to be a misunderstanding.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (well, to be fair, he left Crawford two days ago, only three days after all this started), it's business as usual for the RNC:

Can't let a little thing like a hurricane get in the way of tax-relief. After all, Condi needs her some new shoes:

Yee-haw!

I'm a big proponent of standards, especially in regards to web development and related issues. Especially XHTML for web content. Put down that tired old busted HTML 4.01 and get with the new millenium.

Still, I'm more than a little concerned that the XHTML Fist t-shirt features a hand with six fingers. And the left hand, no less. You can't even try to explain it away as being Count Rugen's.

Quoth Bob Harris: But this was the U.S. president, this morning, during what is likely the GREATEST NATURAL DISASTER IN AMERICAN HISTORY ... Was this a moment unfairly captured? No. Experts had forecast an imminent possible disaster days ago. And from the start, other elected officials – Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco, for example – began urgently working to save American lives. Bush chose instead to continue making public speeches before hand-picked audiences pushing his political agenda...

Over at sistermachinegun.com, Chris Randall would like to know a few things:

Valid points, if you ask me.

Acting on a suggestion from a friend, I've made a donation for Hurricane Katrina relief by way of AmeriCares. According to him, this organization has a stellar record of getting aid to the places it is needed, has extremely low overhead (meaning a much higher percentage of monies donated go to aid vs. bureaucracy), and a long track record from events such as the tsunami last December and 9/11.

Do whatever you can to help the victims in New Orleans. You don't have to go through AmeriCares, but for the sake of humanity do something.

Physicists in Germany have created a material that is harder than diamond.

(For my physics-fetishist readers.)

Remember that Brazilian that London police shot and killed a few weeks ago? You know, the one who was running from the police? Who was wearing a padded coat in the warmth of summer, and had vaulted the barriers in the tube station in his effort to flee?

Turns out, none of the above. Seems the only part that was true, was that he got shot to death.

I noticed a WiFi signal when I started-up my laptop. I expected it to be the same, silly charge-per-day service they have at San Jose (SJC), San Francisco (SFO), Dallas (DFW), etc. Nope.

It seems that the managers of this airport have figured out that the cost of maintaining WiFi is so negligible as to be easily amortized over the other gouging services (food, drink, etc.), and thus it is free. And by free, I mean as in beer, not just as in speech.

I was prepared to be reduced to playing Solitaire for the next three hours. Now I can actually do something interesting.

(If there are any stories about weird happenings at Portland Airport in tomorrow's news, I promise it wasn't me. I mean, it won't be.)

(Note to U.S. Attorney General Gonzales: Just kidding.)

For those who know about the tests I've had recently, they all came back negative. Of course, that's a pyrric victory, since it opens the door to surgery in the near future. But at least there are no surprises...

Though it isn't too clear (despite climbing up on a railing to get a closer shot), this is an ActiveX error dialog. It's showing up on the announcements screen for the venue of this year's Open Source Conference.

I'm sure there will be plenty of people here who can offer suggestions to the center's IT department.

OSCON 2005, and I'm already through one tutorial. About to grab lunch (after I finish some updates, don't want to turn off the net connection just yet), and go to another tutorial this afternoon. Since the convention proper doesn't start until Wednesday, not a lot of people are around, yet. I've run into a few already, though.

How much of Portland beyond the convention center I get to see, that remains to be seen.

I'm restless.

I'm restless in three distinct areas of my life. Fortunately, I have three distinct blogs, each covering (more or less) one of those three aspects. So I'm making three entries at (roughly) the same time.

I'm restless in my life, and I'm not sure exactly the source of that restlessness. It could be the stagnation in my romantic life, it could be the indifference I feel about my current job. Or, it could be that I've been here (in California) for almost eight years. That's longer than I was in Denver, and the longest I've stayed at one address since I left home after high school to live in the dorms at OU.

I used to use a variety of excuses to convince myself that I needed to stay here. I was responsible for my hobby club's website, but I've passed that along to someone new, now. I have friends that I'm close to, but some of them have already moved to further reaches of the bay area, cutting down on how often I see them. And some of them are contemplating a move of their own, almost certainly out-of-state. Yesterday, while sitting with some people, I had one of the strongest senses of yearning and melancholy for Denver I've had since I first moved here. For a few seconds, I was desperate to be back. Something someone had said, triggered a memory. It was a memory of walking off a good Thanksgiving meal with some friends, up in the mountain town of Evergreen. I had a full beard then, and I remember the feeling of my breath causing ice build-up in the beard. That made me think of just how generally crisp the air in Denver feels in the fall, before it gets seriously cold for the winter. I was surprised, really, to feel such an aching.

That isn't to say that I'm planning, or evening idly considering, a return to Denver. I don't know for certain that I really want to leave Silicon Valley. Almost anywhere else I go is going to have fewer jobs in my field to offer. I can make sure I go somewhere that has enough of a job market that I have a good chance of finding employment, but none of them will be like it is here. What's more, I really felt like, when I left Denver, that I was uprooting myself. I'd been there long-enough to feel like I had some roots starting to grow. Moving out here un-did all of that. Wouldn't moving now undo the same progress I've made out here?

The worst part is the uncertainty. I don't know with any great precision what it is that I'm looking for, which makes it fairly hard to decide where I should be looking for it. Some things are clearer than others: I want to find a partner and settle down. Some things aren't: I want to be in a different job, but I don't have anything specific in mind.

I've mused in the past about moving overseas, even if only for a few years. I wonder if it isn't just a matter of the lingering furtiveness, with the impulses taken to a greater extreme than just re-eyeing Denver, or thinking about the east coast. I really don't know where this sense of agitation is going to take me. And that only makes me all the more restless.

I was at a bookstore earlier today, when bad fortune led to my eyes spotting this book: Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death, by Mark Furman.

Yes, that Mark Furman. The same one who decided to "help along" the investigation of O.J. Simpson (which, by the way, I still believe 100% he did it, and that a large part of the blame for him getting away with it belongs to the detectives like Furman who fucked up their jobs). After running off to obscurity somewhere in Idaho (I'd guess) with other Aryan racist turds, he seems to have decided to poke his head out once again. I'm especially moved by this passage from the back of the book (also cited on Amazon.com):

In Silent Witness, former LAPD detective and New York Times bestselling author Mark Fuhrman applies his highly respected investigative skills to examine the medical evidence, legal case files, and police records.

Dude, WTF? By what bizarre measure can anyone use the phrases "Mark Furman" and "highly respected investigative skills" in the same sentence? This man helped OJ get away with a double-homicide, and you want to read his thoughts on the Terri Schiavo case? Let the woman rest in peace, already. And if you really, really want someone to argue your case, pick someone who isn't a pariah. Pick someone vaguely trustworthy, like Bill O'Reilly or Michael Savage.

I can't believe I haven't gotten around to writing about this before. I got a nice telescope a few years ago, when Mars was passing so close to Earth. The scope I got was the SkyView Pro™ 6LT EQ Reflector, from Orion Telescopes and Binoculars, the Cupertino location on De Anza. These guys were great– helpful to a fault long past the time I'd made my purchase. I went in, told them how much I had to spend, and they made sure I got the most telescope for the money I had to spend.

Anyway, so tonight I took it out on the balcony to try and get a good view of the Deep Impact mission's big moment– the collision of the projectile against the comet Tempel 1. But I didn't plan very well. For one thing, there is just too much light pollution, even in my quiet suburb. For another, I just didn't give myself enough time to be able to locate and fix on the comet.

So, on the plus side, I got some fantasic viewing of Jupiter and three of its moons. But I didn't manage to locate the comet. Barring more pressing matters, I think I'll try again tomorrow night to view the comet. I won't get to witness the impact, but I can at least view it for a bit. I'll try to give myself time to drive a ways down 17 towards Santa Cruz, so that I can get better viewing conditions.

This is so blasphemous, I know that I'm going to lose serious culture points for daring to besmirch such a classic...

I'm watching The Wizard of Oz, as I tape it from my TiVo for a friend. And I gotta say this, no matter the consequences...

The Cowardly Lion is so ghey. I mean, he makes Johnny Depp's swishbuckler Jack Sparrow look butch.

http://www.gertler.com/nat/abusedimages.html

It appears that Amazon encodes significant data into their image URLs. It also appears that this person has way too much time on his hands.

I am utterly failing in my efforts to locate and acquire cherry peppers (also known as "baby bell peppers"). These are bell peppers that are roughly the size of habanero peppers, or smallish jalapeños. But they have the same general flavor as full-sized bells.

I want them for this recipe, which I know isn't vegetarian. But they looked really amazing on the episode of The Naked Chef that I saw them on.

Thus far, I have tried the following places with no luck:

• Safeway (long-shot, but it's the closest)
• Trader Joe's (not big on produce, to be fair)
• P&W Market (fairly upscale, I went to the one on Prospect and Saratoga on the edge between San Jose and Campbell)
• Whole Foods (I was sure they would have them)
• Costco (Worth a try)
• Milk Pail Market (On California St. in Mt. View just before Palo Alto)

The Milk Pail Market was really nice. Open-air, great prices on both produce and dry goods (this is where I'll go for lentils from now on). Great selection of cheeses (I tried Vella Farms' Dry Jack for the first time over the weekend, and now here's a more convenient place to get it). But no cherry peppers.

If anyone has an idea where I might find this elusive breed, use the e-mail link on the home page to let me know?

(Edit: I had the days and grocers numbers off by 1. Doesn't everyone count/index from zero?)

Today is the 10th anniversary of the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. There are good stories about the various markings and memorials at Excite News and the BBC, among others.

The day it happened was a Wednesday. I was actually a fairly early riser then, which would surpise most of the people who know me here in California. I was on my way to work at about 9 or so (I tended to get into my seat by 9:30) and had just started driving away from my house. I turned the radio from the local alt-rock station to NPR as I did every morning for my commute. They were talking about an explosion. Untold number dead. Descriptions of the vast damage to the building. Then they mentioned Oklahoma City, and the specific building. I nearly went off the road. Even writing about it now gives me a chill. OKC? WTF?

I spent a day or two getting through to family and friends. The odds of anyone I knew being in that building on the 19th were slim. I did have a lot of elderly family in the city, who might have reason to visit the Social Security Administration office in that building, but none of them would have gone that late in the month. None of my friends were even close to the area at the time. One friend was working an opening shift at a restaurant some number of miles away (I'm estimating it was about 5 miles), and he said that the remnants of the shock wave caused their front doors to swing open, then slowly close. The sound they heard could have been anything, but the doors spooked them.

Then the frenzy and finger-pointing began. Mind you, we're talking just hours here. People were sure they'd seen "Arab-looking" men around. (To be fair, downtown OKC is pretty much white and black, with only a smattering of Asian, Latino and others; someone Middle-Eastern would have been pretty conspicuous.) There was a lot of focus on Islamist possibilities, with "experts" already being interviewed on various radio stations.

Then the real shock came. The first sketches from actual eye-witnesses were of a man of decidedly white complexion. Then, to rub it home, they caught Tim McVeigh.

God help us, had we been attacked by someone with a clue. McVeigh was caught because he was speeding northbound on I-35 in a car with expired tags. When the cop came up to the window, there was a gun sitting on the passenger seat beside McVeigh. So he was taken into custody. And at that point, things started to add up and fall into place. Partial receipts were found. People remembered his face. And one person actually rolled over on him. But had he been blessed with the basic common sense that you don't speed in a car with bad tags, with a fucking gun in the front seat beside you, in the immediate aftermath of a highly-visible bombing, he might never have been caught. He might well be marking this anniversary in some modest house in Montana or Idaho, with the rest of his John Birch-quoting far-right militia fanatics. But he fucked up, we caught him, and he sleeps with the fishes. His accomplice will never see the outside of a prison, but at least has his life left with which to write more tracts about how the gub'mint is after our freedom and our guns (but not in that order).

Let me go on record as saying I don't believe for one minute that the plot to blow up the Murrah building had squat to do with the Branch Davidian stand-off in Waco, Texas, two years earlier. They may have chosen the date for that, so they could use it as an excuse. But I just don't believe a person who considers himself a Biblical Christian is going to get that worked up over an incident involving a man who claimed to be Christ Himself. They might have bristled at the government response (and really– if the party in power were the GOP, Pat Robertson would have been all about them stopping a false messiah, as opposed to oppressing the faithful). But someone committing the ultimate blasphemy and armed to the teeth? I don't see anyone in the Michigan Militia being in a great hurry to join the fight. I thing the Waco excuse was exactly that: an excuse. If it hadn't have been that, it would have been the assault weapons ban, or any other slight (real or perceived).

So today, I'm pretty much keeping quiet and just doing my day job. I'll go home and eat, and relax. And I'll be exceedingly thankful that no one I knew was directly affected. My SO at the time had friends who were hurt, and at least one friend who was a responding EMT. But that was as close as I got. There are 168 families that weren't so lucky.

I set out to make the lentil-sweet potato soup again, but let's just say things didn't go by the recipe plan this time around.

First off, I set out lentils three days ago. But the next day I was too busy (and too beat) to make the soup. Only I didn't think about the lentils, and when I looked at them last night, they had sprouted roots. OK, toss those out and start a new bowl soaking for tonight.

Then tonight I'm still home too late, but I don't want to waste another cup of lentils, so I decide to go ahead and make the soup for later eating. Things started out OK, as I timed the chopping of the onions and sweet potato to the heating of the oil. I also put a frozen pizza in the oven for the actual dinner itself.

Now things start going badly.

First of all is the unfortunate blender incident. I'm trying to pureé the lentils with some water, but the lentils are sticking to the side. I get a wooden spoon to try and nudge them downward. I swear I've seen this done before. But clearly I lack the practice and/or general coordination to do this. I hit the spinning blades, and you can just imagine what happened.

Red lentils freakin' everywhere. In the sink. On the countertop. On the floor. On my shirt. I wouldn't be surprised if they were in my hair. It's like a lentil-bomb exploded in my kitchen. Walking to the computer, I looked down and found one on my sock.

But I had enough to go ahead and go forward with the soup. The onions were nicely browned, and the sweet potato lightly so. So I mixed in the rest of the water and added it all to the pot.

It's important to note that that my burner (electric) was on TWO, on a scale of TEN. It had seemed fine when I was browning the onions. I was checking on the soup every so often. But when I checked on it again, it was ruined. In the period between checking, it had all burnt on the bottom of the pot. It was at a raging boil, the soup. At a setting of "two", I really thought it would be simmering, as intended. There's gotta be something wrong with my stove, I guess.

Good thing I had the pizza.

This is an extremely simple recipe. I was amazed at how quickly and painlessly it went the first time I made it. I recently made it for friends, and they loved it.

I got this recipe from the show, "Everyday Food" on the Food Network channel. Since I don't know if it is published in a cookbook anywhere, I don't know if I am treading on a copyright. If I learn that I am, I'll take the post away.

Ingredients:

• ¼ cup plain yogurt (lo-fat is fine)
• ½ teaspoon ground ginger
• ½ teaspoon ground coriander
• ½ teaspoon turmeric
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ¼ teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
• ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 4 salmon filets, 6-7oz. on average

Combine the yogurt and all the spices. Mix by hand thoroughly until completely blended and smooth.

Place salmon filets on a broiler pan or sheet that has been greased with olive oil or cooking spray. If filets have skin, put the skin side down on the pan. Spread the yogurt/spice mixture over the filets, top only (not on the sides). Spread it thickly, covering the top of each filet as completely as possible.

Put under a broiler for 12-14 minutes, or until filets are cooked through. Remove from oven and serve. The mixture should form a sort of "shell" on the top of the fish.

Via LiveJournal, I found my way to the editorials of an American teaching in Japan. Specifically, he teaches the equivalent of 7th through 9th grades. Apparently, according to this entry, Japanese school kids learn to be preverts at an early age:

I listen to NPR a lot when I'm in my car. Today, while running errands, I heard the first half or so of a quiz-show they have, called "Says You!. I don't usually listen to this one much (I prefer "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!"), but they had an interesting round in today's show.

The subject was heteronyms, words that have different pronunciations and different meanings, but the same spelling. So I followed along on each of the six questions. They gave the two definitions, and you had to get the word(s). And I just sucked pond water. For someone so comfortable in his command of the language, I could not figure out even one of them. Oy.

There's a pretty good chance that I'll be taking a contract for some moonlighting work with an entity I'm not at liberty to name at the moment. This will be in addition to my usual day-job.

On top of that, I was picked as an alternate presenter for the O'Reilly Open Source Convention this year, after someone had to drop out. So I'm also working up a paper/presentation that I'd already given up on and stopped researching.

So, with the exception of a small number of regular engagements, I'm probably going to be effectively invisible for at least the next 8 weeks or so. If anyone gets worried, feel free to e-mail me. Odds are about 3-to-1 that I'm online at that very moment...

Any station that punctuates a piece on St. Patrick's Day celebrations with "Scotland the Brave".

At some point today while I was at work, my lovable, exceedingly affectionate all-black cat Verbal passed away.

When I moved to California in 1997, I had to leave behind the cat I had in Denver. Before I got settled in to my own apartment, the other cat (whom I called Constantine after the conqueror, not the comic book character) was adopted by a nice gay couple. So I set out to share my apartment with a new companion, one who was in need of a good home. I visited the local rescue organization, CARE (Companion Animal Rescue Effort), in search of a suitable pet.

People told me ahead of time that I shouldn't be so set on kittens, but I was. I'm more of a cat person than a dog person, mainly because I live alone and cats seem more capable of entertaining themselves with my long work hours. So off I went in search of baby cats.

I got to their weekend open-adoption one nice Sunday afternoon. No kittens. They explained that it was early in the year, since kittens usually resulted from people letting their un-fixed cats out when the weather improved around March and April. Just as I was ready to say "See you in May", I saw him.

In a cage was a big adult cat, all-black. I was still dallying in the goth scene at the time, so an all-black cat was worth serious goth points. I asked to hold him. After all, I was dead-set on kittens. But it wouldn't hurt to pet the cat, right? From the moment I picked him up, I was done for. This cat immediately put his front paws on my shoulder and simple laid his head against my chest, with his cheek in the hollow of my collarbone. I was his, hook line and sinker. I was totally 0wnx0r3d. I told them I'd be back next week with the adoption fee and everything else I needed.

The cat was named "Blackie" by his previous keeper, but I couldn't keep that name. I chose Bosch, after my favorite artist. But it wasn't long before his true nature came out: he was a talker. Everything he did was punctuated with vocalizations. He even talked in his sleep. So, taking a cue from an excellent film, I named him Verbal. It suited him so much better, after all.

His affectionate nature wasn't just a ruse to get adopted. From the day I brought him home, he would purr at the drop of a hat. If I sat down anywhere, he was there for his pettin's. Even when I went to sleep at night, he would climb up beside me and snuggle up. If I made a cup of my hand, he would use it as a pillow. He would be there the next morning when I woke up.

He was lonely when I went to work. He came from a household of a lot of cats, as his owner was one of CARE's foster-care staff. So after it was clear how lonely he was getting during the days, I went back to CARE and adopted a companion for him. They were inseperable. You would think Marie, the newer cat, was Verbal's own kitten. They groomed each other, they slept in a lop-sided yin-yang pattern. Rarely would they be more than 4 feet apart. When I slept at night, both would be on the bed with me.

For nearly 7 years, I've loved this animal. But lately, he was starting to show signs of age. He couldn't jump onto the bed anymore (it's a 3-foot jump). But he never lost his affectionate nature. Any time I sat at the computer, he wanted up in my lap. When I sat on the cushions in front of my coffee table, he would curl up at my feet and purr. Anytime I let him up in lap, he would lay his paws on my shoulder and snuggle against my neck, just like he did that first day.

I noticed recently that he'd lost a tremendous amount of weight. He wasn't eating, and barely drinking. I was worried, very worried. But I was also dead broke. So when it was clear that he needed to go to the vet, I decided that the very next paycheck, he was going.

That would have been tomorrow.

Instead, I came home tonight, way later than I should have, and found him passed.

I'm so, so sorry, my dear Verbal. I hope you are at peace.

...is, when you find yourself in one, stop digging.

After tiring of always living paycheck-to-paycheck, I've spent some serious time on reviewing my finances, and trying to make a more realistic, effective budget. What I've found has been awfully depressing, though.

For the last several months, I've been trying to get by even though I have had a lot of unplanned expenses. To this end, I've really simply not noticed as one thing after another got added to the list of things I was dragging from month to month as either late-paid bills or borrowing forward (my bank allows me to get advances on my direct deposit). Now that I have a budget and a list of the outstanding expenses, I've come to the realization of just how dire my situation is.

Firstly, my outstanding debts (not to be confused with monthly credit card bills or anything, these are the the things I keep carrying-over from month to month). About $2400, I estimate. Depending on how well I juggle my next paycheck or two, I should be able to get a good part of this taken care of.

But in the longer-term, I have bigger problems. I've recently started a new therapy course in the form of a weekly group-session "skills class". While it may sound unusual, it has a lot of potential to help me, especially in light of a recent diagnosis (Asperger's Syndrome). But it isn't cheap, and I can't really get mental-health expenses covered by my health insurance. With this, added to my existing weekly sessions (and it is a requirement of the class that I maintain weekly one-on-one counseling), makes the therapy bills come to nearly 20% of my monthly take-home pay by themselves. In the rough budget I drew up last night, I realized that I was looking at having maybe $600 a month for food, gas, any unexpected expenses, and any effort to save anything. This isn't tenable.

The most obvious cut to make is the therapy. But it seems like such bad timing to be doing that: it took seven months to get my schedule to mesh with the skills group scheduling. With the newer diagnosis, and the skills group, I feel like I have the best chance yet and developing the coping and management skills I need to overcome the limitations I've set upon myself. One person suggested that I simply take six months or so off from therapy, then resume it and the skills group. But I fear that if I do so, I'll never actually return at all. That concern, with the very real potential for progress that is facing me right now, makes me very, very reticent to consider this option.

I've taken a few steps to cut costs in some areas. I've already been developing the habit of cooking more and eating out less. I just need to apply it more consistently. I've changed my cell phone plan so that the risk of overages is greatly reduced (they've been killing me some months). I may be able to reduce the impact of the therapy expenses with a medical savings account, but I have to talk to the HR person about that. Unfortunately for me, one thing I had counted on isn't going to happen: my company isn't giving bonuses this year. They're positioning themselves for IPO, so they decided to give people (meager) raises this year, in lieu of bonuses. I won't go into details here, but the raise I got is about 40% of the bonus I got last year, it amounts to about 1.09% (less than half of a "cost of living" increase), and best of all I'll have to stay here for the next 12 months to get it, which makes it a pretty poor substitute for a lump-sum bonus that supposedly rewards performance for the previous year. I know this trick– U S West Communications pulled it on us one year, during the time I was there. I'm pretty sure my boss sees through this as well, but he's doing the best he can. (I had some serious misgivings when he took me over in August, but I've come to respect him a great deal the last few months. Plus, he has mad skilz and wicked-long hacker cred.)

I don't think I can do enough, though. Not without moonlighting or ramping up the writing and trying to sell some articles and/or a new book. I may become the Amazing Invisible Randy for a few months.

(With apologies to Led Zepplin.)

Fever broke last night. That was what I noticed when I woke up– either the fever had broken, or my waterbed mattress had been rent length-wise. At least I could rule out having wet the bed (no odor).

I'm still under doctor's directions to minimize outside contact until I've worked my way through the prescription I was given. As I said prior, this is apparently a big problem across the county so they're being extra-paranoid about potential transmission. I wouldn't mind, normally. A few days off to write open-source stuff and work on my models, rock on! But I'm unfocused (though with the fever down, that may improve by later today) and the muscle aches make my hands shakey. So all I've been doing is watching TiVo and going to the bathroom.

I was arrogant-enough to think that the break of the fever was akin to an "all-clear" signal. I dared prepare myself something normal (though not spicy or containing dairy, just in case) for lunch. From the first bite, though, it was clear that eating is still not in my immediate future. As diet programs go, this has been brutal but effective. Can't say I recommend it, though.

I am totally knocked on my ass. I have a flu bug, bad enough that my doctor decided on a prescription med (Tamiflu) rather than having me get something over-the-counter. I am almost certainly contagious, so the odds of my getting out are pretty slim. This includes the birthday party I was to go to this afternoon/evening. I hate to miss it, but I don't want to be spreading plague, either.

Another birthday come and gone. One friend called me at 6:00AM to be the first to say "Happy Birthday" to me. One caught me on AIM. I managed to keep the whole thing fairly quiet, but tonight at the hobby shop, just as I was checking out, I got a call on my cell. Then I got a rendition of "Happy Birthday" loud-enough for the guy at the register to hear. So of course he told the rest of the gang.

I thought they were content with just razzing me at the shop, but later at the restaurant, I paid my bill and was about to leave when the night-shift manager told me I shouldn't leave yet. I should, in fact, go sit back down for a bit. So I did. And a few minutes later, out comes the treat. I was expecting cake. What I got was two generous scoops of ice cream, completely covered in whipped cream, with cherries on top of each one. The candles were stuck in the cherries.

I got a pair of vanilla boobs with cherry nipples for my birthday. This year is looking up already.

I followed a banner-ad link on a SourceForge.net page, and found the ThinkGeek page of Valentine's gifts. The poem alone makes me long for a geek girlfriend:

ROSES ARE #FF0000
VIOLETS ARE #0000FF
ALL MY BASE
ARE BELONG TO YOU

I won't reprint the text that is on the panties here. I won't.

In my on-going quest to cook more and better, I've made the following soup that turned out incredibly good. However, this isn't quite my recipe; it's a combination of the original soup, a recipe from Riverbend's recipe blog, with some changes suggested by a friend who's cooking put a lot of extra weight on my frame. The original is itself very tasty. I made it first, before experimenting, and you may want to as well.

(Eventually, I'll use something like RecipeML, if I find a useful application to make it worth adopting.)

Ingredients:

• 1 cup dry lentils (red)
• 1 medium onion
• 1 medium sweet potato
• 1 ½ teaspoon curry powder
• 1 ½ teaspoon brown sugar
• Vegetable or corn oil
• Salt and pepper to taste

You have two choices for preparing the lentils: Soak them in cold water overnight (at least 8 hours), or cover with cold water and cook at medium heat for one hour. If cooking, check every 15 minutes or so to make sure the water has not completely evaporated. I prefer soaking them in favor of a shorter cooking time.

Peel and chop the onion. Peel and cube the sweet potato. Set both aside.

Empty the lentils and a small amount of their water into a blender or food processor. (If you cooked the lentils rather than soaking them, allow them to cool before this step.) Blend/process until roughly the consistency of applesauce. Add three cups of water and blend again.

Sauteé the onion in 5 tablespoons of oil until golden brown. Add the sweet potato when the onions are about halfway to brown.

Add the lentil mixture to the pot, and set over medium heat. Add the curry powder and brown sugar. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Cook the soup over the medium heat for one hour, stirring as needed.

When done, the soup should be the consistency of cream of mushroom. Depending on how finely chopped and diced, some of the onion and potato will have completely cooked down. The soup will be a greenish color, almost that of split-pea soup.

I usually eat this with baguette bread topped with sliced brie and sprinkled with toasted almonds, the whole assembly put under a broiler until the brie is melted and the almonds browned.

For those that don't know, I decided back in December to give vegetarianism a fair try. This meant, among other things, that I would have to start cooking at home more. For one thing, there are limited vegetarian options. For another, I just needed to be eating out less in general, both for healthier eating and for the sake of saving money. The catch is, I haven't done any real cooking since I lived in Denver. Pasta, microwavable stuff. The occassional pre-prepared meal from Safeway that I could bake. That wouldn't do for this new diet, though.

So far, I've been subsisting on mac & cheese, pasta, and eating out. I've also been building up my kitchen for "real" cooking, with spices and various staples (lentils, flours, etc.). Well, today it was time to finally suck it up and see.

Wow, I can fuckin' cook.

Tonight's dinner consisted of Eggplant and Labna (yoghurt sauce), followed by a dish from one of my cookbooks called, "Spicy Lentils with Spinach". And it was good. I can't reprint that recipe for copyright reasons, but basically it consisted of green lentils simmered with onion, spices (ginger, cumin, garlic), fresh herbs (parsley, cilantro, mint) and baby spinach leaves. I was sure it would taste like ass when I took the first bite, but on the contrary. It was very tasty.

Now, neither dish came out perfect. The eggplant was overcooked and mushy, mainly because my understanding of "cook until golden brown" was probably a darker shade of brown than was intended. The labna was great, but I poured too much of it over the eggplant. The lentil dish cooked well, the lentils just the right level of tender. But I didn't cut up the onion as finely as it should be (not to mention, I cut a finger while chopping it), I used a little too much lemon juice, and I scalded the onions before adding the other ingredients.

But ya know what? It still rocked. And I have leftovers.

Today, George W. Bush was inaugurated for his second term in office. I know he admired Ronald Reagan a great deal, so perhaps he can appreciate the pun I chose for this entry's title. I am in mourning for the imperfect system we had, that at least attempted to be a reasonable representative democracy.

Along the inaugural parade route, protesters were hassled, forced to disperse or even escorted away by police. But I'm assured, by people who vote Republican, that our country is doing fine. They point out that people who disagree aren't being rounded up or anything. But over 1800 were arrested in NYC during the Repub's convention. Almost all of them were held for 60+ hours without access to lawyers or anything similar. It took a court order for the NYPD to start releasing people. 60 hours– that's two and a half days, in an over-crowded holding facility. 1800 people. My high school didn't have that many students (in all 4 year-levels) attending at a given time. Luckily, it seems that today's efforts were mostly in dispersal. Hard to tell, since so few news outlets mention it. The story at CNN doesn't mention the police actions until about the half-way point.

People who protest are getting arrested. People in the CIA who had the gall to stand by the facts of their analysis results rather than re-jig them to support a pro-war policy have been purged (oops, I mean, "have chosen to retire early from a career in public service"). No weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq after all, so now everyone is insisting that the rational wasn't WMDs, it was the need to bring Democracy in (they've already stopped trying to tie Hussein to Al Qaeda). And we've done a bang-up job, there. Conditions in Baghdad are just wonderful. Condi Rice and Alberto Gonzales are both sailing along, despite being confronted with their own words. And the Democrats like Boxer who dare remind Rice of the things she specifically said, they're attacked and insulted for their impertinance.

So forgive me if I don't see any reason to celebrate today. It's pretty clear (to me, at least, and an ever-growing number of others) that we had no real reason other than oil for invading Iraq. 1300+ U.S. dead, and no count of the number of Iraqi civilians dead. But hey, there's a good chance Bush can stack a more pro-life court over the next 4 years, so everyone wins, right?

Behold the unborn fetus and
   Weep salt tears crocodilian;
All life is sacred (save, of course,
   An enemy civilian).
– Ogden Nash

I did this once before, way back when. But the meme is making the LiveJournal rounds again, so why not?

Five Things 2004 Taught Me

1. A spiralling national budget deficit, blatant deception about going into war, and evidence of gross human rights violations won't keep you from getting re-elected, as long as you can scare people with the thought of two dudes kissing.
2. Deciding to pay attention to, and start to really care about, the political process can be very taxing, emotionally. Whether or not your side wins.
3. Choosing to be happy and accepting of the live I have takes significantly less effort and energy than being depressed all the time. It's a shame it took me until December of 2004 to figure this one out.
4. Choosing to become a vegetarian is a lot harder than it seems at first glance. The hardest part is giving up most of the restaurants you love to eat at, simply because they don't have any real vegetarian offerings. Conversely, asking at restaurants can lead to discovering veggie dishes that just aren't on the menu.
5. I truly have three places I consider home, which makes it difficult whenever I have to leave one of the other two to return to California. After all the years in Oklahoma, I just can't break those ties, even with all my complaining about the place. In the case of Colorado, I was there just long enough to put down some roots, and I still miss it something fierce, especially when I see or talk to friends who still live there.

Five Personally Significant Events of 2004

1. In February, I found myself the only member of the executive board of AMPS, a modeling society I value a great deal. Tempted as I was to join my friends who had resigned because of sniping and in-fighting, I chose to stick with it through the convention the following April. I found that truly enjoyed interacting with everyone to a greater degree than I normally did as a 2nd VP. Had my work schedule allowed, I would have run to retain the office of president. But my schedule did not allow, and I was not going to take an office that I couldn't handle the responsibilities of. Still, I learned I could do more than I would give myself credit for, if I were willing to try.
2. Asking out, and going out briefly, with three different people. After I'd made myself into a veritable shut-in through 2003 and most of the first half of 2004, it was very reassuring to find that I could still interact with people on that level, even if the chemistry wasn't there to lead to longer relationships.
3. Visiting my Mom in Arizona. It was the first time I'd been in AZ since the death of a relative several years earlier, and the first time I actually spent any real time there since 1984. I was amazed at how quickly I re-acclimated to the heat, even though I hate high temperatures. (Fortunately, I didn't feel the same pull I feel for Oklahoma and Colorado.)
4. In December, I took a course from the Art of Living Foundation, that has had a big role in changing the way I think about and look at many aspects of my life. Deciding to go was tough, as it felt to me much like other guru-oriented cults that I have heard about all my life. But I decided to take a chance, and was relieved to see nothing at all that triggered either my cult or agnosticism alerts. And it was a valuable experience.
5. I really have to include the elections on Nov. 2. This was the first year that I didn't just vote, but actually paid attention through most of the campaign, read in-depth about many of the issues, and essentially built up an emotional investment in the results. And I was gravely disappointed in the end. I find it hard, still, to take an attitude of "keep up the good fight." Part of me really does just want to go live somewhere else until 2008.

Five Things I Want to Do in 2005

1. Continue my choice of vegetarianism (with the occassional exception made for dining out with non-veg friends). This will entail learning to cook more veggie dishes, and getting into the habit of cooking and eating at home much more than I currently do.
2. Continue losing weight (25 pounds lost in 2004!), mostly by re-starting my exercise regimen. Meeting the above goal will help, as well.
3. Write another book. I've said this before, and not done it yet. But to be frank (and risking sounding like a cliché), I'm quite different now.
4. Complete more modeling projects.
5. Finish the monumental task of giving my apartment a face-lift in the sense of interior decoration and layout. This means getting rid of a lot of junk I'm reluctant to part with, moving the contents of whole rooms around, and re-doing a lot of the kitchen.

Five Things I Don't Want to Do in 2005

1. Regain any of the weight I've lost.
2. Engage in any counter-productive relationships, merely out of a fear of being alone or a sense of desperation.
3. Let myself run out of any of my medications (again).
4. Go any deeper into debt.
5. I don't want to spend as much of my waking time at my job.

Five People I Want to Learn More About in 2005

1. Me, actually.
2. Unlike the LJ version of this meme, there isn't an easy way to indicate the remaining four, without revealing full names absent their consent.
3. So, I guess I have to wimp out on this one.
4. Sorry.
5. ...

I haven't written on the subject of the elections. I am very disappointed, though I do believe that a large degree of fraud was enacted. Whether anything ever comes of it remains to be seen. My feelings on the election itself, though, are for another time.

For now, I wish to draw people's attention to the following nifty list:

20 Amazing Facts About Voting in the USA

Time Magazine has named President Bush their 2004 Person of the Year. On the magazine cover itself, it refers to him as "American Revolutionary". This just offends me to no end, in some ways moreso than the elections themselves.

We've just spent a year putting up with the dirtiest, most negative presidential campaign in modern memory. People played up the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" <cough> ad campaigns as though they were truth from above, despite the fact that no one in the ads served with Kerry. Then they turned around and hung Dan Rather out to dry over some memos whose origins couldn't be proven 100%, ignoring the many other stories about his lack of attendance at his ANG posting. Our standing with the rest of the world has fallen to all-time lows, as has the standing of our currency on world markets. At our current rate, we'll be neither the world's leading economy nor the world's leader in tech innovation within 5-10 years. Money is being taken away from AIDS and family planning, while being given to groups like the Rev. Moon's Unification Church or groups/people closely associated.

Revolutionary, indeed. The line between church and state is more blurred than it has been in probably 50 years or more. And there are clearly people out there who want that line gone. People who voted for Bush strictly on the grounds of his (loudly and frequently) proclaimed faith. People who would support the Alabama congressman who called for all books depicting or promoting anything to do with homosexuality taken from public libraries and destroyed. He got a private meeting with Time's PotY. Several, in fact.

People in general, and Time in particular, seem to have forgotten that this country wasn't founded by people like George W. Bush, Pat Roberston, Jerry Falwell or John Ashcroft. It was founded by people who left England to get away from people like George W. Bush, Pat Roberston, Jerry Falwell and John Ashcroft. Going backwards to that isn't revolutionary, it's de-evolutionary.

I've been doing some clean-up on this journal, and one of the things I've done recently is remove the comments from stories. This isn't about hiding myself from the opinions of others, but rather about comment-spam.

The comment system I used is fairly robust, and could prevent some types of comment-spam (comments that are either outright commercial messages, or worse, those that contain malicious JavaScript code). But not all of it, and while I had some useful cron scripts catching most of the rest, it just got to be too much of a hassle.

So, from now on if you want to disagree with me, you'll have to actually e-mail me to do so...