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+ raelity bytes
+ paul e. [LJ]
+ Rain Graves
+ gnat [use Perl;]

Syndication feeds:
# RSS 1.0 format
# Atom 0.3 format

My other sites:
- Silicon Valley Scale Modelers
- Book page for Programming Web Services With Perl

Other journals I read:
= DJ Adams
= rebecca blood
= Tim Bray
= Margaret Cho
= Warren Ellis
= Neil Gaiman
= Rafael Garcia-Suarez
= John Gorenfeld
= Lawrence Lessig
= Michael McCracken
= Jeff Vogel
= Norm Walsh
= Wil Wheaton

My journal at use.perl.org:
· Restless
· RPC-XML-0.57.tar.gz uploaded to PAUSE
· RPC-XML-0.56.tar.gz uploaded to PAUSE
· RPC-XML-0.55.tar.gz uploaded to PAUSE
· Forgive Me, Bretheren Monks
· Extry Extry: Winer Leaves the RSS Advisory Board
· RPC::XML 0.54 Uploaded
· The Books of Perl
· Good Intentions Don't Equal Good Results
· Errata Tracking Page for PWSWP
· Image::Size 2.992 Uploaded
· Props to Portland PM
· Lightning Talks
· OSCON, Tuesday
· OSCON Plans Now Set

» Blogs that link here

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We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. — Will Rogers

Job in Jeopardy 2004.09.15.23:22

Once upon a time, I was good. Real good. Really, really good. It may seem to anyone reading this that I'm stressing that to the point of maybe over-compensating. No. I'm just trying to get across the point that there was a time once when I could pretty much do whatever I set my mind to. In terms of coding, I wrote stuff that people liked. Several people have used my code in books they've written, boosting the user-base. I recently started a project with a different ISP, and learned that they have some of my code in their installed base, available for their clients to use. There was a time when I could pretty much do whatever I set my mind to. I spent time on my crafts hobby and finished things– airplanes, cars, etc. And those things I finished won awards in local contests pretty regularly (though I've yet to win anything on a national level). There was a time when I could pretty much do whatever I set my mind to. I made it to appointments, to meetings. I could be counted on to be at a place when I said I'd be there. I'd help people move, do housework, run errands on their behalf. I'd organize things for groups. I was an officer in a national scale modeling organization, and I actually did what was needed of me. The thing is, I didn't always do everything I wanted to, but I got things done. I certainly got the important things done.

Not anymore. Not for quite a while, now. And not really having anyone to blame, I'm blaming me.

My ability to sleep at night has all but disappeared over the last few years. These days, I'm rarely asleep before 5 or 6AM. I try to sleep– I lay down at a (fairly) reasonable time each night. But when I finally fall asleep, I sleep so soundly as to miss my alarms (that's plural, yes, there are three of them total) and wake up at a fairly-natural eight hours or so after I've fallen asleep. More like seven, actually, since here lately I fall asleep somewhere between 5 and 6, then wake up between 12:30 and 1:00 in the afternoon. Of course, at that point I've actually been in bed for nearly 12 hours, when you include the time spent staring at the ceiling.

And because of this, I have practically no spare time for anything, anymore. My personal open-source software projects are languishing, with features waiting to be added and bugs waiting to be fixed. I haven't finished a model in over a year. I haven't been able to get into a relationship at all. Any time I've managed to connect with someone on any level, I end up going days or even weeks without trying to contact them, because not only am I lacking in sleep, but my short-term memory is wrecked as a side-effect of it all. But the worst part is, I get in to work so late that it has finally started to affect my performance. And what's worse, it's not just my performance that is affected.

In plain terms, I'm in danger of losing my job. During a one-on-one today, my (recently-appointed) manager finally told me in plain terms that I needed to start getting in by noon, consistently, or it's my ass. Of course, the real problem for me here is that he's 100% right and reasonable. I can't claim any kind of unfair treatment. I have no identifiable medical condition causing this, and whatever psychological component there may be, it's not his job to accomodate me beyond a level that is reasonable and fair to the rest of the company. It's not that I'm not working an honest week's hours, it's that I'm not there when people need me to answer their questions or attend their meetings. I may be fretting, but I have only myself to blame here. The added stress sure isn't going to help me sleep any better at night, but he's already extended me more slack than just about anyone could ask for.

Thing is, I've never really been a morning person, but it's only been the last 3 years or so that it's gotten this bad. And I'm plum out of ideas. But I better think of something.

# [/thoughts]

Who Am I:
Randy J. Ray
Software Engineer


Buy my book!

Programming Web Services with Perl

I've also contributed three chapters to:

Computer Science & Perl Programming

Category quick-links:


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Apr May Jun
Jul Aug Sep
Oct Nov Dec

Reading and Re-reading
· The Annotated Thursday: G.K. Chesterton's The Man Who Would Be Thursday, G.K. Chesterton, Martin Gardner
· The Feeling Good Handbook, David D. Burns
· Organizing From the Inside Out, Julie Morgenstern
· XML Schema, Eric Van Der Vlist
· BEEP: The Definitive Guide, Marshall T. Rose

High in the queue
· Silk, Caitlin R. Kiernan
· Coldheart Canyon, Clive Barker
· Idoru, William Gibson
· Shared Source CLI Essentials, David Stutz, Ted Neward, Geoff Shilling

Recently finished
· Planetary Vol. 3: Leaving the 20th Century, Warren Ellis, et al

Recommended favorites
· The Cowboy Wally Show, Kyle Baker
· Lost Souls, Poppy Z. Brite
· The Alienist, Caleb Carr
· Quarantine, Greg Egan
· The Authority: Relentless, Warren Ellis et al.
· Planetary: All Over the World and Other..., Warren Ellis et al.
· American Gods, Neil Gaiman
· Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
· Neuromancer, William Gibson
· A Philosophical Investigation, Philip Kerr
· Say You Want a Revolution (The Invisibles, Book 1), Grant Morrison et al
· You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of..., Oswald T. Pratt and Scott Dickers
· Cryptonomicon, Neil Stephenson
· Rising Stars : Born In Fire (Vol. 1), J. Michael Straczynski

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